Pre-Departure Blues

Prequel on this.

As a dreamer whose her highly driven is to make the better world, the excitement explodes uncontrollable. However, the blues mess could not wait to hit in.

On my unfinished-mess final preparation yet just a couple day of my departure, in the midst of my hate on long-trip packing, juggling on un-ended work matter, preparing kit of my particular issue, digging more information about US and imaging the possible suffer in long hour flight; I am thinking, Was I really deserve this? Was this too overrated for me? Was this such a worthy and sensible price comparing in my ‘selfishly’ deal on letting my mother struggle in her upcoming loneliness and leaving work-matter which now in the significant phase on preparing our signature annual event that would be executed right after I come back”.

I wailed, because I wouldn’t be there for them, probably in the period when they need me the most. I felt sorry, if my selfishness on pursuing my dream might bring out the suffering for my surroundings.

However, much above it, my mind always rebels too far beyond. I fully conscious that what I’ve done is still nothing, I am far from being skilled, so that I should learn very much from the world for the upcoming and un-ended hard work should be done.

For answering my unforgivable blues, that this came not for a wrong reason for me. There’re always not enough time to be fully ready. The universe might untoldly reaffirm that living a dream always possible, no matter how wild your dreams are.

 

Niken Prawestiti (Indonesia) nikpraw.comis a Social-Environment Enthusiast, Sustainaibility Placemaker, Indonesian Green City Program Associate. Currently, developing urban community network which bound environmental, social, and cultural community concern over Indonesian’s cities to take action on achieving sustainable city in fornusa.id. Also, growing “Ayo ke Taman” (Indonesian expression on ”Let’s go to Park”) as a platform for raising awareness about the existence of open urban public space.

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